Wedding Day Etiquette for the Father of the Bride
This entry was posted on 7/11/2006 8:14 AM and is filed under Wedding Day Etiquette.
For the actual wedding day there are several things you should plan to accomplish. Your goal is to remain calm and direct the troops as they are going ashore at Normandy—D-day is here. A friend of mine, Brigette Polmar, offered several excellent suggestions that I have taken to heart and intend to accomplish on my daughter’s wedding day. Here they are only slightly altered.
1. Father of the Bride, buy the Mother of the Bride a gift and give it to her privately the day of the wedding. Jewelry is preferable, but isn't it always? Although "Here" may be our standard presentation speech, it won't suffice in this case. Deliver the gift along with some kind words of thanks for raising a wonderful daughter or a sweet memory of your own wedding day.
2. At weddings everyone wants to help, but few know what to do. This, unfortunately, can lead to a gaggle of people (usually women and children) to form a "what can I do for you" circle around the poor bride, drowning her in requests and pleadings. This is where you can be particularly helpful. Work with the maid of honor or wedding planner to set up a protective barrier around the bride (something the bride should know nothing about). Dad, head off those well-meaning friends and family at the pass. Be armed with a list of little duties. You may want to say something like "Sally is so glad that you're here and so am I. It means the world to us on this exciting day. Do you think you could make sure there are three candles on each table? I just haven't had the time and I don't want to bother Sally with that. Could I just put you in charge of that?" This works well with children who are drawn to brides like Cindarella at Disney World. Once they've completed a task, they tire of the exercise and go play by themselves. Some other send them away tasks:
"Hey, Bob, I don't think Sally can talk right now, but I really need someone to watch the gift table and card basket. We wouldn't want anything walking off and it would really take a lot off my mind if you could be in charge of that."
"Hey, Billy, a lot of the younger kids may not understand how important this big day is and may get a little bored. You're a big kid. Could you help keep them busy? I think the little girls really like ring-around-the-rosie."
3. Your daughter may not realize it, but her walk down the aisle as a bride may be the last steps she takes with your last name. Find a moment or write a simple note to tell her how she carried your family name with grace and charm and made you proud. Thank her for being the wonderful woman she is and tell her how lucky her new family is to have her carry their name.
4. Often that special moment between father and daughter is missed in the flurry of wedding day activity. If you insist on nothing else - and you should insist on very little - insist that you get that 60 seconds for a special word or two or at least a long hug - one-on-one - father-to-daughter. (P.S. Even if you don't believe your relationship with your daughter is close, have the moment anyway. That moment will grow in value as the years go by. And you only get one shot!)
5. No matter how much you can't stand him, on the day of the wedding (or at any wedding event) don't speak an ill word about your soon-to-be son-in-law. It will only backfire on you. A simple dodge: "We're just so happy that Sally is happy today."
6. Don't ask your daughter to have a wedding just like another sibling's. In fact, don't draw any parallels between your children’s weddings. Just like them, each one is unique and special. There are no cookie cutter kids and you shouldn't expect cookie cutter weddings.
7. Don't wing it at the father/daughter dance. Lead your daughter - it's your last chance. If you can’t dance, take lessons, surprise your wife and daughter. And have something to say. It's hard to come up with something touching when everyone is looking at you and your counting out the waltz. Try something schmaltzy like: "This reminds me of dancing with the other most beautiful woman in the world, you're mother." Or "This moment is more than I could have asked for. You have made me so proud today." Or "He's a lucky guy, but you'll always be my little girl and I can't imagine loving you any more than I do right at this moment."
8. The spotlight may be on your little girl, but don't forget you're the master of ceremonies. These are your friends and family, too. Weddings are chaotic. Work with the wedding planner or maid of honor to make sure you're helping to lead the night from one special moment to the next.
I want to thank Brigette for her excellent suggestions for the Father of the Bride. If you have any suggestions/tips, please send them in.
